Tag Archives: peer pressure

When People Don’t Understand You…

Vision can be lonely

(I have had this article half-written for  more than 13 months but never finalized my thinking about it.  Today I present it to you as a work in progress…)

It is a certainty in life that not everyone will agree with you.  Further, no matter how hard you try, there will always be those that NEVER understand why you do what you do…

Let me tell you how that makes me feel: LONELY! (Frankly, I can also be pretty frustrated…)

You might feel a similar emotion… The feeling of “I should just give up” or “what I’m doing doesn’t matter”…  Sometimes anger or resentment become the flavor of the day in place of creativity and innovation…

All of these are fairly typical responses when peer pressure is applied to our value system…  Bear in mind that we are not discussing opinions or perspectives, we are talking about VALUES — the underlying core of our psychological being…

The fact that others do not understand that part of us can be damaging if not put into perspective…  Ralph Waldo Emerson made his case for sanity by noting that:

“Is it so bad to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.”

Seems easy enough in a few lines of quotation…  In practicality, leading anything is very lonely.  I don’t say that to be discouraging.  I say that to make sure you are realistic.  I learned this lesson the hard way

If you are the type of person that needs other people to compliment, reward, and respect you to perform, then you might have a hard time performing  for more than two weeks.

When people don’t understand you, you need to understand yourself — your mission, your reason for leading.  To lead others you must first lead yourself… (DEWism)

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Focus on priorities

What would you be doing if today were the last day for you to be alive?

Would you work harder, take the day off, or just spend the day with regrets?

For the vast majority of us, there will be more days than today, but there won’t be a way to get back the time you spent today NOT focusing on your priorities.

Focus on your priorities for today like tomorrow might never come.  It’s amazing what you can accomplish with the proper perspective…

P.S  Don’t worry about getting it wrong as long as you are willing to keep trying…

De-Crippling Fear

Fear Cripples...
Fear Cripples…

Because I only fear what I have not already conquered, I must conquer all to fear nothing.*

We don’t ask “how much longer” on a trip we have already taken…  We don’t agonize over puzzles we have already solved…  We don’t worry about an enemy we have already defeated…

We fear what we have not already conquered.  We fear our reaction to failure, to pain, to the unknown.

To be fearless, you must have the courage to fail often, to lose viciously, and to battle fiercely….

Selling is no different.

*yeah that is a DEWism compliments of “yours truly”…

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Does “Fitting In” Matter?

Let me cut to the conclusion and then we will Tarantino this discussion backwards?

NO! (Fitting in DOES NOT really matter… at all… ever…)

What’s the deal with Peerville telling us we have to be a certain way or we can’t play nicely together? (Do I really want to play with you in the first place?) And why is playing “nicely” such a priority. Is our need for conflict avoidance that great? Our insecurities that prevalent? Our secrets so compelling… that we must NOT allow ourselves to be scrutinized?

Think about this with me! WHY we are compelled to run away when someone else starts to voice opposition to our behavior or value position…

Let’s get real genuine here. We all have to fight the urge to “want” to be a part of the posse.

“It’s a temptation to want to jump on the bandwagon for the trend du jour — where is our internal compass for acitivities de jure? (DEWism)

From church groups to campus fraternities to the corporate landscape — pressure to conform seems to grow stronger.

(I want to make this point stronger, but my mother reads this blog so I have been warned to clean up my language or I might have soap for Thanksgiving Dinner…)

Seriously:

  • Does the group always know what is best… for me?
  • Does the majority have the same values, beliefs, and goals… that I have?
  • Does the world even care that my opinion matters to me… other than that I get back in line?


Ask yourself these questions like I have and than try to defend to yourself that “FITTING IN” is all that important.

It’s not! It never has been! and…. It will never will be!

So let’s all just stop getting back in line! If we each do it… well imagine the possibilities!

You Own Opinion Matters Most…

I need to buy TV time around 2AM in the morning and start selling my “Magic Time Finder”… For 7 easy payments of $6.99, you can “Find Your Lost Time”… Never run out of “Precious Seconds”when you need them most!
IMAGINE: Get half your day back! Do twice as much in half the time! Pick up the kids from school and get a manicure at the same time (OK… that might be a little extreme…)
So what’s the catch? Can you see the fine print? You can automatically assume you are being “ripped off” if you buy anything that early in the morning… that sounds so ridiculous! And of course, I am being silly with this premise, but there is point. There is a way to find more time in the day…
Here it is. Here is the secret elixir…

“Spend the time you WORRY about what other people think about you, OBSESSIVELY WORKING on what you are most passionate about…” (DEWism)

YES! It actually works… How much time do we spend worrying about how what we do will look? We say things to ourselves like:

  • Do I look like I want this too bad?
  • What if they don’t like my idea?
  • Am I trying too hard?
  • Why don’t they see it my way?

Imagine a world where everyone agreed with you — your passion was the most important part of everyone else’s reason for living!

  • Every opinion you offered was wildly cheered.
  • Every idea you presented gained a standing ovation.

Are you laughing yet? It’s silly, isn’t it?

Logic is subjective, Passion isn’t always explainable, and Obsession just looks looney. Take a look in the mirror. Would you agree with you? Even some of the time? (I certainly didn’t pass that test!)

There is ALWAYS a reason to listen to the opinions of others. But the opinions of others should not affect your obsession for what you are passionate.

“Your Opinion Matters Most!” (DEWism)

Stop being Stupid!

I have concluded that most of us have a tendency of “being stupid”

…including myself(I am the official case study for this research, but I include the rest of you so I don’t feel lonely…)

WHY?

Because we grow increasingly self-limiting as we gain more life experience… And that just seems backwards.

Shouldn’t life teach us that we are untouchable — still standing despite the worst that is sent our way? Think about it. Don’t we all have “war stories” that we embellish with the wonders of “I survived”?

It is hard to take abuse — physical , mental, perceived — BUT the advantage to living through hell is that you have the option to grow “fearless”… It is an “option”.

(From a lot of perspectives, I was raised with the proverbial “silver spoon”; however, my parents did do an impressively frustrating job of inspiring personal and professional growth from me.)

Yesterday, as I was in the middle of a discussion with a senior adviser, I found myself really pushing back at the ideology and categorical assertions that I was being offered. It took me a few moments to realize that I was being defensive to the point of “stupidity”…

Then it hit me:

“I don’t need to agree with everyone, much less have everyone agree with me”

Opinions, challenges, disagreement, dispute, conflict — these all help me focus my passion and obsessive tendencies…

My natural tendency is to NOT do things that are painful (sounds obvious, right?).

—–

NOTE TO SELF: STOP being stupid! STOP IT!

  • STOP caring what other people think…
  • STOP trying to convince everyone that you are right…
  • STOP feeling inadequate when life gets hard…

REJECTION: It’s just in your mind!

(Let me get some “house cleaning” out of the way… numerous of you asked for NO MORE funky-sized text… I hear you loud and clear… Consider it history……..)

Ever hear the word “NO”?

Several times in a row…

…And wonder why it’s sucks to feel…. “rejected”

Let me tell you a secret: “IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD…..”

SO….. I had relatives in town for the past 2 weeks and we decided at an hour approaching midnight to go tour the wonderful monuments of D.C. (homeless people and all…). We toured from the Washington monument past the World War 2 memorial, all the way to the Lincoln Memorial… Which is actually pretty cool at night with lights on…

(Take a look at the photo…)

I live for inspiration — that kindred belief that I can change the world like those who are now memorialized — and I found it staring at “Honest Abe”…

My 3-year old son “B-Man” (also known as Bryce…) asked me about “that guy” and I heard myself telling him how Abe was a “great man who was killed by bad people” (nothing too shocking for a little dude).

WOW!

Would people in Abe’s day define him as a great man? I think not!

  • He was rejected as a businessman – as a storekeeper he went bankrupt…
  • He was rejected as a farmer – he despised this work…
  • He was rejected in his first attempt to obtain political office…
  • When elected to the legislature he was rejected when he sought the office of speaker…
  • He was rejected in his first attempt to go to Congress…
  • He was rejected when he sought the appointment to the United States Land Office…
  • He was rejected when he ran for the United States Senate…
  • He was rejected when friends sought for him the nomination for the vice-presidency…

AND YET….

Historians consistently list “Abe” as arguably the greatest president of ALL TIME… Greater even than George Washington…

HOW? (Isn’t that the epitome of a paradox?)

I have realized this for some time now… I get shaken sometimes in the daily battle, but I firmly believe that rejection is just a head game… A state of mind. A belief system that limits our ability to rise above the challenges of a situation.

Embrace the challenge of “apparent defeat” and turn it into success…

“……every rejection is a step closer to realizing success…..” (DEWISM)